So I have a hard time communicating.
It's something I've been told and it's something I've noticed.
Because of my disposition it is often mistaken for fridged and passive aggressive when in reality the thoughts that are running through my head are often unable to make their way out.
So if you don't feel like reading any further feel free to go do something else.
This is mostly for myself.
I'm largely misunderstood......well that just sounds like the lyric to a bad 90's pop song.
I think for the most part people have a difficult time understanding me. But how can they be expected to when I have a difficult time understanding myself?
I am an introvert in every sense of the word. I'm not shy, but I just don't see the point in talking to someone until I've decided that I want to talk to them. I'd much rather stay home and read given the choice. I am much more comfortable in smaller groups than at huge parties where I don't know half the people in the room; I tend to feel claustrophobic and panicky. Above all, I am not a mean person, but it is difficult for me to show affection; I don't think its something I necessarily have to work on. I have to know someone for what I feel is an adequate amount of time before I let that barrier down.
And while we're on the subject of barriers. I don't want to say I've had the worst luck with relationships, maybe some of the most odd luck. I realize I'm probably too picky but when it comes right down to it all I really want is someone who truly likes me. Someone who wants to be with me and genuinely understands me. I just want a guy who actually wants to be my boyfriend, not a guy who has more emotional baggage than a French diplomats wife.....I have to put a great deal of energy into fixing me, I can't fix him too.
