Dancing down the cobblestones

I'm sitting in the library at 8:30 in the morning. I'm contemplating going to purchase some coffee. Apparently the library is updating its furniture. *Nothing in the world would help update this library that looks as if it just came off of a Bob Newheart shoot*

I keep thinking about where I was a year ago. I keep thinking about how much can chang in a year. And I keep thinking about how I swore I was going to stay the same person forever. What I mean by that is, I swore I was never going to get any better; I swore I was going to stay in the same "rut" for the rest of my life. Locked up in that little apartment watching sad....sad movies all by myself eating cereal and juice and coffee forever. Occassionally going to class, but even then if I went to campus I would still leave in the middle of the day to wander around Little Rock. And then at night, I would drive around town listening to music too loud until I was too tired to drive. I would go through cycles of wanting to talk to someone so badly that I would call practically everyone in my phone, to not answering my phone for days.

Yeah, I knew I was slightly crazy. But I was alright with it because I didn't know how to be any other way. And because I didn't know how to be any other way, I honestly didn't think I was ever going to get any better. But time does pass, even when you think its the most unlikely thing to ever happen, and each ticking of a second feels like the passing of a day. Time does pass, and time does heal. As horribly cliche as that sounds.

And now, I am exactly where I want to be. I would not say that everything is perfect, because no one's life is perfect. And if someone is saying that, they're lying. But I'm where I want to be. I have a job I like, I'm living exactly where I want to live. I have the most amazing friends I've ever had. I might not get to see them as much as I'd want, but its ok. And the part that I'm most alright with, is the fact that everything is not alright. I would be scared if everything was perfect, if my life was completely in line. I like the fact that I have to struggle, that I have to fight.

I had it great and perfect for a while, and then my world exploded. Great and perfect? Its not all its cracked up to be.