The Waterfountains Don't Work

*Disclaimer* This is still fiction, at no time has any of this become true.

Well here we are again. I gave you like two months to find something better to do with your life and yet, your still reading this ill-advised refuse. I'm beginning to wonder if maybe you're one of those people that lives with their mother and plays D and D with your old college roommate because neither one of you can get laid.
If that's the case, then I'm sorry that this will be the closest you'll ever get to knowing a woman.
If that's not the case, you deserve what you get.

I always knew my life wasn't going to be one of those where I suddenly realized all the terrible mistakes I'd been making and I made amends for all my missteps. There was never going to be a scene where the music swelled the camera pushed in on my face and you could see it on my face that I knew I was goin' places. Crap like that just doesn't happen, I don't care what you want to believe. And if you think it does you need to get over yourself real quick. At no point does anyone ever wake up and say "Hey, I'm a grown up now, I feel really responsible!" Everyone is scared all the time. Those love scenes you see in the movies? No one has ever experienced one of those, and no one ever will. No one is as interesting as they think.

But I had a good job, a nice apartment and a best friend. So I was reasonably happy with the way things were going. Did I want more? Of course I did! I was human. This is where Randy came in. Yes his name was Randy. I should have known it was stupid just from the fact that he has a ridiculous name. Never mind that he was Charlottes husband.